Ann's Story

"I know," she said for the hundredth time! Yes, Ann knew – but sometimes there is a huge distance between the head and the heart! Over the months she had learned time and time again to refocus on what she knew was true and not to look too far ahead. It was eighteen months ago that I had first met her and so much has changed in that time. When first we met, she was an overly confident young lady who was positive that she could not be kept in jail while her case was dealt with. She really did not see her own crime, and that over confidence hid some of the fear, anger and frustration that was at work within her. She was angry at the system! It did not take long for us to really get to the issues at hand as Ann began to ask the hard questions. It soon became clear that she was the "Queen of questions" – a trait that marked her as an intelligent, inquiring and thoughtful woman. We soon became friends as we hashed out the many issues at hand from Biblical questions, moral dilemmas to family problems that created intense pain and an obvious need for boundary setting. She knew God but had no real personal relationship with Him.

Ann worked hard as she waited interminably for the courts to complete her case and allow her to "move on". She recommitted her life to the Lord, studied the Bible, asked innumerable questions, sought understanding in the study of God's Word and did some very difficult work on her own family dysfunction issues. She understood better what led her to the place she now found herself. She learned to better understand herself and her family as she worked through issues such as discovering true self-esteem, recognizing compulsive behavior, dealing with shame, healing painful memories and forgiving the people who had hurt her. Having been hurt tremendously by those close to her, this issue has been one of the most difficult to deal with.

Spiritually, Ann continued to grow in her relationship with the Lord and her understanding of Him. At times she was insatiable, wanting to learn all she could about the Bible and her Lord. Her questions always made (and make) our discussions vital and interesting because of the thought she puts into her approach to understanding the Lord and His plan for our lives. It is always a joy to speak with her. She has become a real encouragement to others who are incarcerated as she points them to the Lord. She is an encouragement to me!

Her pain is real as she deals with being separated from her baby for such a long period of time. He was 4 months old at the time of her incarceration. Inconsistencies in family behavior and in the actions of the courts also add to the depression and despair that at times, creeps into Ann?s daily life. Life in jail is difficult for many reasons ? not the least of which is the monotony, boredom and forced continued interaction with people whom you would not normally choose to be. It is at these times that I see the growth in Ann as she accepts the ?redirecting? of her focus to the Lord. ?I know,? she still says ? but she does know and she is willing to be reminded. Not looking too far ahead is something that must be learned ? and yet everyone needs hope! Where is the balance? Ann has done a wonderful job of allowing the Lord to help her through these days and to "not waste her suffering". She has grown so much!

Prior to her sentencing, we spent much time talking about the facts of her situation. Things are not always as we wish them to be and accepting reality can be difficult. Ann did not want to be taken advantage of but she wanted to do the right thing. Who should she listen to? What issues should be fought? What does she accept ? and what should her response be? She continued to look to the Lord for wisdom and tried to honor Him in all her decisions. We were to have one more discussion and her attorney was to meet with her the day before the sentencing was to take place. Three days before the sentencing, Ann was suddenly moved to another county! Her attorney was not aware of the move. Once he found out, he arranged for a special trip to visit her.

The morning of Ann's sentencing, her case was "moved up". Whew! Within minutes of our arrival in court, Ann was brought in. The normal legal objections and arguments were dispensed with while Ann sat quietly in her chair. She knew to Whom she belonged and she did not have anything to prove. There was no need to be fidgety, nor arrogant in attitude. I was so very proud of her! When the final count came, she had been dropped to another sentencing range for which we were all grateful but now it was up to the Judge to determine whether she would be given the maximum or minimum sentence within her range. Ann?s attorney began his case pointing out the accomplishments of his client while she had been incarcerated and making it clear that she should be sentenced at the lower end. The District Attorney argued for the maximum penalty. I was asked to give a statement on Ann's behalf, focusing on the progress she had made in understanding what led her to make past poor decisions. The dysfunctional enmeshments within the family of origin as well as an angry spouse had much to do with past actions ? but these were part of the past. Her understanding of those dynamics and of human nature in general (especially her own) had allowed her to begin to establish healthy boundaries that would lead to a far more healthy future. She had worked hard and the Lord had given her insight!

The Judge then asked Ann if she had anything to say to the court. As Ann stood to address the court, she was humble yet bold as she apologized for her part in the crime and took responsibility for that which she had been responsible. She promised to make what restitution she was capable of making. Then she told of her plans for the future once she was released. She would complete the requirements for the degree she had been working on and wanted to be a good mother to her son. She told the court that during her incarceration she had also recommitted her life to the Lord and was standing before them ?a new person in Christ?. She went on, "I want to say along with the Apostle Paul as he wrote in Philippians 3:12-14, 'Not that I have already obtained all this or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus'." She then sat down. Tears were in my eyes and the courtroom was silent. After some thought, the Judge sentenced her at the lower end of her range.

What a testimony and what a beacon of light in that courtroom. I assure you that scene is extremely rare. I was overwhelmed! May each of us be willing to stand up for our Lord and Christ in any situation! Ann challenged me in my own testimony for my Lord Jesus Christ!

The story is not yet over. I had remained seated in the courtroom when another defendant?s attorney came to find me, stating that Ann asked him to speak with me. I was surprised but followed him out. He told me that he was having some problems with his client and had mouthed to Ann (who was in the holding cell behind the courtroom), "Pray for me". She had suggested that he speak with me. He had heard both my comments and Ann?s in the courtroom! He now proceeded to ask me to pray for him, for the Judge and for his client. I had never seen this attorney before! While my mind raced in trying to determine exactly what he was asking for, he continued to ask me questions about my work. I interrupted him and asked, ?Would you like me to pray right here and now?? He hesitated and then nodded. Right then and there, in the hallway in front of the courtroom, I prayed for him, for the Judge and for his client. He thanked me and after a few words returned to the courtroom where he took on his case.

What a God! It was Ann's bold, yet humble and gentle testimony that provided several opportunities that day. Ann?s story is not yet complete ? and there will be difficult days ahead, but I am confident that she will continue to look to the Source of her strength and she will be victorious even as she has been so far. Ann knows her Lord and He is an Almighty God!